Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
