I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
