I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
