Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
