That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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