My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
