They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm like, not good at living.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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