Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
