Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
