I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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