You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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