Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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