OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
