i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he thought i was a dude.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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