If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
