Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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