I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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