So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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