i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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