My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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