Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
