It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
