Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
