Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
