My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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