It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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