Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
