and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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