Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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