There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
