How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
