Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i was born a porn star she said
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
