When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
