i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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