I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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