I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
