So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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