I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
