My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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