at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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