in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
