I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
