There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
