its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
