Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
