Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
