oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
