it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
