Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
