We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
