**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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