Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
