woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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