She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
