My room smells like vodka and shame
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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