im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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