yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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