i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
