No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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