Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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