I hope mine doesn't look like that
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
