and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize