I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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