is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
