I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
