So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
