come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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