she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
People in love make me want to vomit
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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