i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
