I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
