Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
