maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
