my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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