Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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