my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
