Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
