i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
