We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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