i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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